'I need a vacation.' Lila sighed and put her face in her hands, her neck and shoulders aching horribly.

'I shouldn't complain. Wildwing's got it worse, I know.' She put her head down on her folded elbows and sighed, fighting the urge to cry. She was so tired. Of so many things. And if she said anything to Wildwing, he'd probably blame himself, the big dolt. And he was the only one she really trusted.

Well, there was Tanya. And Duke. But Tanya didn't deal well with her own problems, let alone anyone else's. She just didn't understand them well enough. She could pick it apart and come up with a logical explanation for why she felt the way she did and what she could do about it. But in the end it wouldn't help, she'd go on just like she always did because too many people that she cared about depended on her for her to change. Sometimes she didn't mind talking to Duke. But Duke always had something to prove. He didn't really need to. People, she had noticed, tend to see what someone was reguardless of what they were trying to broadcast themselves as. Well, some people did. The ones that cared enough to really look. The ones that didn't really weren't worth convincing, anyway. Duke tried anyway, mostly because he needed to convince himself. He tried to pretend he was comfortable with who he was, but in Lila's experiance (which was far less limited than her years implied) people who found it necessary to explain themselves at every opportunity did it because they were scared that everyone else would realize how unsure they really were. Like they needed to have it confirmed with a nod and an 'I understand' from people who really didn't. And somehow any comfort they offered turned into a 'like me, see, I do things this way' speech.

'I'm being intolerant and unfair. They all have reasons for being the way they are.'

She thought about calling Marilyn. She often felt more of a kinship with the human doctor than she did with her teammates. Mari understood things that only another healer could. She'd never faced pain and death on a battlefield, but she *had* faced it, and she knew what it was like to watch a life slip away because she didn't have the power to hold it back.

Lila supposed Mallory did, too, after a fashion. She'd fought beside people that, in the end, she couldn't protect, she couldn't save. Somehow, though, it wasn't the same. Mallory was Mallory. Beneath it all, she probably wasn't as harsh and hot-tempered as she seemed. She was still very young, after all, and she'd been through more than anyone should have in her life. There was more about her than Lila knew.

She also knew Mallory wouldn't ever share it, because to do so she would have to drag it up again and face all the pain and hurt and admit her own weaknesses. The redhead seemed to think that the results wouldn't be worth the trouble. For just an instant, Lila was thankful. It was one more burden she wouldn't have to bear. She had so many already.

'I could go talk to Grin. If he's really as focused as he says he is, he should be able to handle it.'

But Grin's peace wasn't the kind of peace she wanted. It was too forced, in her mind. Emotion was a natural part of mortal existance. To deny it to the extent that he seemed to just seemed wrong, to her. But then, she was a person who felt deeply, and cherished that aspect of herself.

She raised her head and took a deep breath. 'Well. Nothing to do for it but go on.'

So she did.