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You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Duke L'Orange watched in silence from the shadows as his newest teammate moved through her practice forms with the grace, skill, and poise that came from years of training and experience. Muscles rippled beneath the grey feathers on her arms, left bare by the sleeveless practice suit. Her face was calm, almost serene, though deadly serious as she moved, barefoot, like a dancer accross the mat. Though Duke himself made little more noise than a cat, and the object of his study was completely engrossed in her training, he knew that she knew he was there. She ignored him.
Just as she had for the past two weeks.
She had played beside him when Nosedive pulled a muscle in practice.
She had fired the winning goal against the Polar Bears on a pass from his stick.
She had fought beside him when Dragaunus attacked.
She had saved his life when Wraith had sent a fireball hurtling towards his near unconcious form.
And she had done it with the same cold, businesslike attitude she had shown since her arrival.
She was civil enough, in her own way, polite and unargumentative for the most part. Jen Lai's actions for the past two weeks had assuaged all but Mallory's implacable suspicions, and her skills had come in handy more than once as Dragaunus continued his attempts to repair the Raptor's engines. The team had come to accept her presence.
Jen Lai barely acknowledged theirs.
Only Nosedive managed to draw a response from the woman; a tolerant smile or a wry comment here and there. Duke understood well enough the teenager's effect on people. Dive could charm the scales off a snake if he tried, and annoy the hell out of everyone in the room at the same time.
But the rest of the ducks might as well have been ghosts for all Jen Lai acknowledged them. She would answer a direct question, shortly and generally without much elaboration, but she kept to herself and spent little time outside her own quarters during the day.
Duke didn't understand her.
Which was why he was watching her. He weighed the hilt of his saber in his hand, then seperated himself from the shadows of the room, shrugging out of his red trenchcoat and activating his blade with a shimmer of light. Jen Lai's eyes followed him but the rest of her body continued the training as he moved to the edge of the mat, then kicked off his boots and stepped onto it, moving easily into the flow of the exercise. Jen Lai did not react as he took the place of her imaginary opponent. She continued without missing a beat as he moved in the counterforms, mimmicking each move she made, in reverse. Duke heard the door slide open and Nosedive's easy, relaxed stride as the boy entered, but took as little notice of him as Jen Lai had of Duke. The two continued their deadly ballet back and forth accross the practice mat.
Duke's concentration focused entirely on what he was doing. The motions sped up with each cycle, faster, and faster, and a slightly feral grin spread unknowingly accross Duke's face as he revelled in his own skill. His hands tightened on the hilt of his saber as he anticipated the end of the final cycle.
Duke caught a glimpse of Dive's worried face as he and Jen Lai exploded apart and began circling one another. Duke took the classical fencer's position, his sword extended in front of him and one arm held behind him. Jen Lai lowered her body, moving fluidly in almost a crouch, one arm cocked back so that the hilt of her sword in her right hand was held just above her ear, the blade balanced against the wristguard of her other arm. To the onlooker, the difference in style was striking.
Duke's grin was broader now, his eyes lit with a hunger he'd thought long dead as he faced the skilled warrior. Jen Lai's face was twisted in an unrecognizable emotion, her eyes glittering with a predatory excitement.
Nosedive wasn't ever sure afterwards who attacked first, but with a metallic clash the two met with a fury that brought the boy's heart into his throat. He watched them go back and forth, facinated and repulsed at the same time by the heated contest. His mentor forced Jen Lai back, then she came back on him, her sword a silver blur as this time Duke was forced to retreat. Dive watched until sweat dripped off both their feathers and the clang of the swords left his ears ringing, and still they went on. Dive looked around for inspiration, knowing this had to stop before one of them--
Nosedive jumped as a sword clattered to the ground not far from him. Duke stood, unarmed, facing Jen Lai with his chest heaving in exaustion. His face was grim now but he held her gaze without flinching. The edge of the Sword of Renshael was against his throat, trembling with Jen Lai's hand as her face twisted in something that resembled anger, could have been hate, but was neither. She shoved him away from her, turning away. Her blue-black hair had come loose during the fight. The silken mass now fell past her waist, and her thick bangs were damp against her forhead. She squared her shoulders and picked up her sheath and cape, sliding the silver blade home with more force than was necessasry. She strode past Duke and Nosedive and out of the door.
Duke watched her go, then went to pick up his sword and coat. He deactivated the saber and jerked his boots back on, frustration written in every gesture.
"Duke," Nosedive hissed, coming up to him, "What were you thinking?" Duke shook his head, still breathing heavily, and turned away.
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you're so consumed with how much you get
you waste your time with hate and regret
you're broken
when your heart's not open
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The main room in the Pond was silent except for the rythmic scraping of steel against stone as Jen Lai sharpened her ancient blade. Her face twitched as the automatic doors slid open and Duke threw himself on the couch, but the steady motion of her whetstone didn't falter.
"Man," Duke sighed, letting his head fall back so that he was looking up at the ceiling. "Phil's enough to make me wish I never left the Brotherhood." He sat up and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Jen Lai was now scowling down at the sword, but she continued running the stone down the blade as if she hadn't heard. Duke took the expression for empathy and continued. "Can you believe, now he wants me to do one of those commercials for the adopt a family things. You know, those, 'For twenty-two cents a day you assuage your guilt about the crummy condition of you planet by sponsoring a child like this so that they can live long enough to become a teen mother or drug dealer.'" He stopped as Jen Lai's face changed again, and she snapped her sword back into its sheath with more force than the motion required. She stood and slung the sheath back over her shoulder, turning away to hide the contempt and outrage now evident in her face.
"You disgust me, L'Orange," she all but snarled, more emotion evident in her normally cold voice than Duke had ever heard.
"Hey, what exactly is it you have against me?" Duke demanded, starting to get angry himself.
"You care only about the loss of your precious time, as if you had anything better to do," Jen Lai continued, as if she hadn't heard him. "You know nothing about those children's lives. What they've lost. What they're forced to do to survive, and you choose to blame them for their plight because it is easier and more convieniant than reaching out to them, than taking the risk of sharing their pain." She was trembling with anger now, fists by her side, her shoulders thrown back and her chin lifted with the same stubborn pride that keeps the poorest beggar alive, her stance and bearing that of a queen.
Duke rose and went to her, moved by some impulse of pity, or perhaps a measure of personal pain, to comfort her. He set his hands on her shoulders, but she hardly seemed to notice.
"They took my home, my past, my future, and left me, just a child, to fend for myself. They took the land that had been in my family since the days when my ancestors fought beside DuCaine to free our world--took it in the name of progress. Took it on the whim of a foolish beaurocrat, a fool blind to the past and its bearing on the future, took it and left it to rot, untouched and forgotton. Left my family shrines uncared for and forbade me to honor my ancestors as only I could. I am the last of the Ranshael blood and without a care they would have swept my line from the planet as DuCaine's was." She flinched and turned on him, knocking his arms away and causing him to step back a pace.
"I joined the Brotherhood with a purpose," she snarled at him, bringing the full heat of her anger to bear on him. "I wasn't proud of it and I am not still. I would have given anything to find another way but I had nothing to give. So I made them pay and I swore I would regain my birthright with funds from their greedy pockets. But you," she spat a foreign curse, "You and your kind, you dishonored your names for nothing more than the thrill of the chase, for a few gaudy baubles, for the fame. What I bore with shame you relished with honor. Your kind has no honor, L'Orange, there is no justification for the choice you made."
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Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
if i lose you
my heart will be broken
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"You're right," Duke said quietly. "There was no honor in what I did. I tried to tell myself there was, that I was doing more than living out a fantasy, that I was some sort of rebel that rejected the conventions of society, that somehow I was rising above all the pettiness, but it wasn't true. I deluded myself, yes. I dishonored myself, yes, and if my parents still breathed they would no doubt be ashamed of the things I have done. But I have made another choice, Jen Lai. Now I have a real purpose, and a cause. And more, Jen Lai. I have friends that I can trust, and that trust me in spite of my past. These people know me and they accept me. There is no shame for me here. And," he caught her gaze and held it. "There is no shame for you. We cannot forget our past, Jen Lai, but we can forgive it, and leave it behind us."
"To my people," Jen Lai sighed, "The past is not dead. It is a living, growing part of us that defines who we are. I," she spat bitterly, "am a thief. And so are you."
"You are the daughter of a great house," Duke told her evenly. "A woman who has endured hardships I can only imagine, made sacrifices for the sake of her House, and borne it all with a dignity and strength only the Lady Ranshael could have summoned. And I am a rogue who has followed the wrong path for too long, and is finally learning the true meaning of justice and loyalty. The false path led me to be your enemy, Jen Lai. Now let the true path lead me to be your friend." He extended a hand to her, absurdly thinking that he was starting to sound like Grin.
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love is a bird
she needs to fly
let all the hate in you die
you're frozen when your heart's not open
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Jen Lai's eyes were clouded with emotion as her life swirled before them. Duke could see the indescision in her face as her iron mask fell away to reveal her torment in a rare display of open emotion. 'Please,' he begged silently. 'We both need this. I don't want your hate on my soul. And you can't live like this any longer.' As if she had heard him, Jen Lai raised her eyes to his face and set her slender, grey-feathered hand in his palm. He closed his fingers over hers, feeling a pleasant sense of quiet freedom as he put another part of his past behind him.
***
The change was not immediate, but it was there. Change of any kind was difficult, Duke well knew, and Jen Lai could not let go of her fear after keeping her soul guarded for so long. At least, not right away. But the proud woman had made her decision. She had decided to trust them, and little by little, her guard relaxed, and she became much easier to live with. Jen Lai would never be an openly emotional person, it ran counter to her nature, but she began to be more sociable, more receptive to overtures of friendship. She treated the other ducks--even Nosedive--with respect, and as her aloofness ebbed the others began to treat her as a trusted teammate rather than a newcomer who could very well go berserk at any moment. Her voice was calm, but no longer cold, and her face had softened as she reacquainted herself with the practice of smiling.
Mallory, however, seemed even more suspicious of the new Jen Lai than she had been of the old one. The two continued to circle each other warily, like two icecats patrolling territorial borders. Each was waiting for the other to cross the line. The tension level rose perceptively when the two were present, and Duke dreaded the explosion he had little doubt would ensue when one of them finally went too far. Jen Lai had more control than anyone he'd ever met, that was for sure, and he'd certainly tolerated Mallory's taunts with less grace than the Gacian woman, but even Jen Lai could only take so much. One day Mal would push the wrong button, and he didn't want to be around when it happened.
Tanya and Nosedive had accepted the change with little more than a questioning look. Nosedive, Duke was sure, sensed that the old thief had had a hand in Jen Lai's transformation. Still, Duke had been surprised beyond expression when he walked into the gym to discover his apprentice in the middle of a lesson in swordplay. Nosedive had grinned at him, looking a little guilty, but Duke just shook his head with a smile, knowing that it would be good for the kid to learn more than one style. Tanya just took Jen Lai's change of heart in stride, as if it were completely unimportant. Duke suspected it was because technical Tanya had given up trying to understand emotional reactions in other ducks. The girl had enough trouble sorting out her own emotions, let alone trying to judge anyone elses. The two's immediate acceptance of Jen Lai had, he suspected, endeared them to her for life. She showed a surprisingly motherly attitude toward them; it was a side of her Duke had never suspected existed, until one day he'd walked by Tanya's lab and heard the girl's cry of frustration. He'd entered only to find Jen Lai placing a hand on Tanya's tight shoulder.
"Patience, onei-chan," she'd advised, "It will come in its own time. Too many thoughts clutter the mind. Come back to it later, when you can think clearly again." Curious, Duke had later asked her what the name, onei-chan, meant. Jen Lai had replied stiffly that the word meant "little sister." The challenge in her saphire eyes was undeniable, as if she dared him to tease her. He knew better.
As for Wildwing and Grin, Jen Lai's suggestions and insight were taken seriously by the former, earning her his respect, and her Gacian philosophy facinated the latter, who regarded her as a spiritually enlightened being (whatever that meant). Jen Lai, in turn, respected Wildwing's ability to deal with what was at best a frustrating and emotionally trying situation, and she even seemed to enjoy, to an extent, debating the merits of certain aspects of spiritual living with Grin. Duke had heard them on occasion and, though he had no idea what they were talking about, was pleased at how well Jen Lai seemed to be relating to the mysterious young duck.
All and all, Jen Lai di Ranshael was becoming, in truth rather than just in name, out of loyalty and mutual respect rather than duty or responsibility, a Mighty Duck.
***
The spark that lit the powder keg was unexpected but unavoidable. The day that Mallory crossed the line, the ducks were all in the main room of the pond, except for Tanya, who was of course in her lab. Grin was sitting quietly on a cushion in the corner with his favorite meditation crystal. Wildwing and Duke were engrossed in their chess game, and Nosedive was sacked out on the couch with a comic book and his headphones, playing his heavy metal music. Just enough sound filtered out to keep the room from achieving complete silence. Jen Lai was in a chair under a lamp with a pad of paper on her knees and a pencil in her hand. She looked up every now and then, and Duke spared a moment in between moves to wonder what she was doing.
No one payed attention to her presence--no one except Mallory, who was bored and aggitated. She hadn't been in the best of moods the past few days, as the others ignored her continuous warnings about the older woman, and after the stunt Phil had tricked her into that morning, she was out for blood. Slowly, deliberately, she went accross the room and picked up the Sword of Ranshael, which had been leaning against the wall near Jen Lai. Jen Lai frowned, immediately focusing an eye on the volatile red-head, but said nothing. Mallory examined the scabbard and hilt, then started to draw the ancient blade.
"Don't," Jen Lai warned, her voice dangerous and her eyes cold. Her tone caught Duke's attention. He glanced up, and his whole body tensed as Mallory gave Jen Lai a glare that was a clear challenge, and continued to pull the sword free. Jen Lai rose but did nothing. When the blade had halfway cleared the sheath, an electric blue discharged flared and Mallory dropped the sword with a yell, looking in wonder at her burned hand. Jen Lai looked at her coldly and picked up her weapon. Mallory's expression went from surprise to flaming anger.
"You knew it would do that," she accused, her eyes narrowing.
"The Sword of Ranshael knows its master," Jen Lai said evenly, her expression dark. "I warned you, child. Next time take heed." She started to turn away, but Mallory's face had twisted further at the word "child" and Duke knew with a sinking feeling she would not let it end at that.
"You're a disgrace," Mallory snarled. "You're a disgrace to that blade and that name. The sword that stood against the Saurian overlords, and you've turned it into the weapon of a common thief."
Jen Lai stopped and her shoulders tightened, but she said nothing. There was, in her mind, truth to Mallory's accusation, and she would not refute it. Mallory observed this reaction and tried again, intent on baiting the woman.
"Or perhaps the disgrace goes back even farther," the red-head said shrewdly. "Maybe betrayal was so easy for you because it runs in the blood!" Before Duke and Wildwing could even jump to their feet Jen Lai whirled, leading with a fist that she only barely managed to uncurl in time to slap the impudent girl. Even so, the blow sent her sprawling, unprepared for so violent a reaction. She was on her feet again again in no time, and she flew at Jen Lai with a snarl of rage. Duke feared for them both as he and Wildwing tried to get to the two women. Jen Lai's cobalt eyes were lit with a cold fire that shook Duke to his very core, her expression one of complete fury as the last remnants of her self-control shattered under Mallory's first blow.
The fight was so impassioned that for several minutes Wildwing and Duke could hardly even get near the combattants. Mallory's skill in martial arts was legendary in her unit, but Jen Lai's training had been equally thorough, and for the moment they were evenly matched. They would never know how long that would have lasted, as Wildwing finally managed to get Mallory around the waist. She struggled, but the bigger duck held on as Duke got to Jen Lai. Her hair flew wildly about her face as she turned on him with a snarl, and Duke fell back, his hands raised.
"Easy, easy, now," he cried, "Get a grip on yourself, Jen Lai!" She halted, her mind catching up with her, and Duke could see her struggling for control. Fire still blazed in her azure orbs as she turned away, trembling.
"That's enough, Mallory!" Wildwing barked. Mallory stiffened and stopped struggling, and Wildwing set her down, turning her to face him. Her chest heaved and her face was bruised in more than one place. Her cheeks flamed as Wildwing delivered a lecture worthy of the most ornery general in the Puckworld Special Forces. Duke took Jen Lai by the shoulders and started to guide her out, but she turned away from him to pick up her pad and sword. She squared her shoulders and walked out with all the pride she could muster, and with a worried glance at his younger teammate, Duke followed her.
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mmmmmm
if i could melt your heart
mmmmmm
we'd never be apart
mmmmmm
give yourself to me
mmmmmm
you hold the key
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"Jen Lai!" She ignored him, striding purposefully toward her quarters. Everything about her--her tight shoulders, her deliberate movements, the white knuckles gripping her sword--told him to stay away. Duke wasn't buying it. He followed her to her room. The automatic doors jumped aside to let her in, and Duke caught a glimpse of her face still clouded with white-hot anger just before she slapped the locks and the doors slid shut in his face. His picks were in his hands in less time than it took his face to darken with determination and he muttered, "Oh, no, I don't think so, sweetheart." He knelt at the keypad and in seconds the doors parted before him.
Jen Lai was seated before the small shrine she'd created against the east wall of her room. Her legs were crossed meditation style and her hands rested on her knees. The Sword of Ranshael was on the shrine before her in its stand. Duke padded silently forward, leaving his boots by the door as she had and knowing, as before, she knew he was there. She also knew there was little she could do about it, short of forcefully throwing him out. Jen Lai remained motionless as he came next to her, and as he approached her face became visible behind the silken curtain of her hair. She had not, he noted, escaped Mallory's attack unscathed, a testament to the younger girl's skill. Jen Lai's eyes were shut tightly, her jaw set, and her hands clenched her knees. Duke could find no words as he stood, motionless, and if anyone had asked him later to describe the emotions in her face he would have been at a loss to explain what he saw there. Anger there was in plenty, but also pain, and longing, and a host of other emotions he couldn't even begin to identify. In a flash of insight he realized that he was seeing Jen Lai's deepest soul, but even as he the realization came to him, the turmoil in her beautiful and terrible visage began to resolve itself.
He'd once thought her cold, a calculating night stalker beyond the reach of meaningful feelings, understanding nothing other than her own convoluted code of honor. Even his new perception of her had painted the image of a creature touched by only the mildest emotions, standing outside the fire that governed the lives of normal mortals.
What Duke had just witnessed once more redefined his perception of the mysterious swordlady. She was a woman of true passion, as easily warmed and burned by the blazes of ardor as any other. The final piece of the puzzle fell into place as little by little, Jen Lai's hands relaxed, her eyelids stopped twitching, and the tangle of feelings slowly vanished, replaced by the serene mask she wore daily. The difference, Duke now saw, between Jen Lai and other women lay not in the depth of her feelings, but in the strength of her control. In the course of her turbulent life Jen Lai had learned to keep the raging inferno within her own heart, knowing how dangerous it could be, never letting it color her face or her actions.
At that moment Jen Lai's eyes opened and she stared into the starstone hilt of her ancient blade. Duke turned his attention to the two-feet high mohogany table, draped with a silk cloth of deep ocean blue edged with silver--the colors of the House of Ranshael. The Sword of Ranshael rested horizontally in a silver holder, and behind the table hung a silk rendering of the crest of the Ranshael house. Two candles burned in silver candlesticks on each front corner of the table.
"I may honor my ancestors in my own place, if not in theirs." Jen Lai's voice had returned to normal--calm, measured, and lightly accented. She turned her head for the first time to look at Duke. "You believe I overreacted?" It was hardly a question.
"I did," Duke said evenly, looking back at her. Jen Lai rose and walked to her mirror.
"She did not know what she was saying," Jen Lai said quietly, almost to herself, as she began to twist her hair back up.
"It was uncalled for," Duke admitted. He had intended to continue, but could find nothing more to say.
"She cannot understand," Jen Lai sighed, turning away from the mirror. She returned to the shrine and picked up her sword, running a finger the length of the flat before returning it reverently to its sheath. "Family blood is all one. In saying what she did she insulted not only me, but every one of my ancestors, to the very beginning of time. Perhaps I should have stayed my hand." She slung the blade in its place across her back and turned away from him. "But I am not that strong." The statement had a definate tone of dismissal. Duke regarded her for a moment, then quietly left, picking up his boots on his way out.
He had intended to return to his own room, but an unexplainable restlessness filled him and he headed to the gym instead, the image of Jen Lai's glittering saphire eyes burned into his mind.
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Song Lyrics: Frozen by Madonna
The Mighty Ducks and all associated characters (except for Jen Lai di Ranshael, who is the property of the author) are the property of Disney
No copyright infringement intended.
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